How much time do you have? Seriously, I hold a lot of stuff I see with the utmost of contempt. I am inherently critical. It’s just the way I’m wired. But in order to still fashion an article out of this, I decide to just put a few that literally make me physically angry when people try to discuss them with me. Yes, I realize that I can’t actually list a few of them because I’ve never actually seen them. But I’m not gonna. So just drop it.
1. Sex and the City – I think this whole franchise represents how shallow and monetarily enamored we can be. Yes, I have seen an episode or two of the series. And yes, I bit a hole in my lip to keep from screaming.
2. Twilight – thanks for ruining two horror icons for everyone, jerkweeds.
I swear to g-d, if zombies start falling in love and banging, I’m going to kill someone.
3. Batman & Robin – What almost killed Batman? Nipples on his Batsuit. And when did Gotham turn completely into neon lights. The former Governator should apologize for this like a bastard love child.
4. Don’t Mess With the Zohan – I am ashamed to say I’ve watched this. Even more ashamed of Adam Sandler. What the hell happened to him? Did he catch what Eddie Murphy caught? You know what…I WILL mess with the Zohan. The following video will have nothing to do with it. So there.
5. The Happening – I heard the original script (then called The Green Effect, which was a better title) was written much, much better than what I saw. Or felt like I was forced to watch. Really? The wind? Run way! Run away from the wind!! Mark Wahlberg apparently forgot how to act for a few months.