Boy, am I going to be crucified for some of these? But I really am from the school of thought that film is a truly individual experience. Or at least it should be. I have a hard time agreeing with most of the box office results as a barometer of the film’s overall quality. Sh–, I don’t even agree with the Oscars most of the time. There is way too much that goes into your total viewing experience to make sweeping generalities about what makes a movie good to some and not for others.
Well, now I at least tried to rationalize these choices before airing them for everyone to mock me for. I love these movies.
So shut your mouth.
1. Can’t Hardly Wait (1998)
Director: Harry Elfont & Deborah Kaplan
I actually found that there’s a surprisingly high amount of people who love this stupid movie as much as I do. If you can put aside all reason and accept the fact that people pushing 30 are graduating from high school…and you try to remember the person you were back in high school, this movie is damn amusing. It’s like the Breakfast Club…’s retarded, non-thought provoking cousin. Mike Dexter IS a god. Mike Dexter IS a role model.
2. Bio-Dome (1996)
Director: Jason Bloom
This is probably the epitome of a dumb movie. And I find it f–king hysterical. Definitely not for everyone. Especially if you like high brow or even mid-to-low brow comedy. This is not that.
What’s your name? Purple sticky puuuunch.
3. Timecop (1994)
Director: Peter Hyams
I’m a long-time JCVD fan. That’s Jean Claude Van Damme to you laypeople. I grew up on Cyborg, Bloodsport, and Kickboxer. And then in college, some of us decided to institute the JCVD Rule (formerly the Michael Keaton Rule, soon to be the Schwarzenegger Rule). The rule meant that if anyone (involved in the game) notified someone else that there was a Van Damme movie on (and the someone else wasn’t doing anything), he had to watch said movie through the credits. Yes, it was completely on the honor system. But we took it seriously. Too seriously.
And I ended up watching Timecop probably around 30 times (as well as Sudden Death, Hard Target, and Death Warrant). I tell you this the same way someone would show you a big scar that they’re proud of. Same concept.
NOTE: If you enjoy getting Van Dammaged at all, you should actually watch JCVD. He can actually act a little. I hope it signals a comeback.
4. The Last Dragon (1985)
Director: Michael Schultz
Probably the greatest movie ever featuring an actor named Taimak playing a character named “Bruce” Leroy Green, pitted in a martial arts battle against a guy that looks like Busta Rhymes alcoholic uncle, with one of Prince’s female protegee caught in the middle. How’s that for selling a movie?
Did I mention the glow? THE GLOW?? Everyone knows you need the glow to grow…
5. Airborne (1993)
Director: Rob Bowman
The only justification for loving this movie is it was the first time I saw Seth Green & Jack Black. It is so bad that it is truly awesome. It’s the traditional fish out of water story, but in this case the fish is a douchey surfer dude from California and the new water is hockey-loving Cincinnati, Ohio. This movie makes me long for the days of Hobie t-shirts and Skidz.
May I present to you, your protagonist…Mitchell Goosen. Mitchell speaks the truth.
Honorable mention: The Fast and the Furious, Just Friends, Blue Chips, The Replacements, Above the Rim, Gleaming the Cube, 3 O’Clock High, Commando, Reign of Fire, Point Break, Road House, Marked for Death