I know that the argument most will pose is that I just don’t “get” whatever movie I decide to put up here. But guess what? I’m a lot more intuitive than you give me credit for. I know all about subtext and innuendo and all that hullabaloo. I can see allegories hidden in mixed metaphors. How’s that for verbal diarrhea? Truth is, some movies just fall flat for me. Sure, the box office results may beg to differ with me on a few of these…as will some random person who happens to love said movie. But…well…I don’t know how to put this subtlety, but you’re wrong…so shut it.
1. Avatar (2010)
Director: James Cameron
I love me some Cameron. I grew up on Aliens, Terminator 2, and The Abyss and still hold them up as icons in the science fiction genre. Even his role on Entourage was good (although the concept of a good Aquaman movie escapes me). But Avatar just didn’t work for me, regardless of how much money it made. I gave it the full experience, seeing it in IMAX True 3D. And sure, it raped my eyeballs. The scope of the film alone makes it noteworthy. But it just felt like a special effects reel that some new FX studio put out. It just seemed like an exercise in seeing what 3D was capable of. And upon revisiting as a regular 2D home experience, it looks like something Pixar would put out when they open their young adult division. Meh. If you have to see a movie a certain way to enjoy it properly, then it doesn’t have…well…it.
And we’re going to get two more installments. Yippee.
2. The English Patient (1996)
Director: Anthony Minghella
Not sure if this makes the list because I really just didn’t enjoy the crushing melancholia of it. Or because Elaine Benes hated it so intensely before I saw it. Doesn’t make it any less wrong.
3. Step Brothers (2008)
Director: Adam McKay
I absolutely love Adam McKay and John C. Reilly. I can even tolerate Will Ferrell as long as McKay is involved (although he is dangerously close to Eddie Murphy territory for me…which is a sad, sad place). But this one was so built up by a few people that I had unreasonably high expectations for it. And I was sure disappointed. Did I miss the part where they state that both Ferrell and Reilly had mental illnesses?
It’s not a good statement on the quality of the movie if the outtakes are funnier than the movie itself.